Today …

Today…is a bit of a rough day for me. There’s so much going on in my head that it’s hard to wrap my head around any of it. So I thought maybe putting it here would help me. Well, here it goes.

Today…I am bored at work. I don’t really like the job that I have right now. I’m not really like where I am placed and I feel like I’m not prepared for the things that I face every day. I don’t fit in and I feel very out of place every day.

Today…I am really upset. Yesterday I lost something that was very special to me that was given to me as a gift. I even cried at work, that’s how upset I was. I looked everywhere but I knew it was no use. I feel so lost and naked now.

Today…I am anxious. This week alone, I have a follow-up job interview and 2 other job interviews and I am anxious and terrified. Everything is happening so quickly that I feel like I’m not making any of the right decisions and I am second guessing everything. I am overwhelmed with the amount of interviews I have. I’m really trying so hard to find a job and I didn’t realize that I would be taking on so many interviews at once. I’m so tired already, and Im honestly just getting started.

Today…I feel alone. And lonely. I only have a very few select people in my life that make me feel happy and whole. I’m a people person, and I used to have SO many friends. Now my friend circle just keeps getting smaller and smaller and I don’t know how I feel about it. There are only two or three people that know how to make me feel happy and I don’t think that’s enough for me.

Today…I am tired. I’m so tired that I barely can read my book. Which never happens to me. Ever. I adore reading and I am actually really into this book (It Should Have Been You by Lynn Slaughter) but I’m so tired that I just don’t want to read.

Well. I think I got it all. Sometimes I feel a little bit better even just to type this out because I’m able to get my feelings out somehow. Hopefully things will start to look up for me…

Newest Book Review…OMG

***There may be spoilers, depending on how I feel when writing this***

I just finished reading this book my supervisor had recommended for me. It’s called The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield and I am so completely in love with it. I finished the book today, and I wanted to know what happened at the end of the story but I didn’t want the story to stop. I was completely captured by each character’s plot and subplot (hint hint) and fell in love with the progression of the story. Even the vocabulary choices were exquisite and contributed to the beauty of this story.

So, here we go.

The beginning was definitely  slow. I started this book a while ago and had a hard time getting into it because of the slow start. The one thing that captured me and kept me reading was the language. Everything was described so beautifully and vividly and it helped me to appreciate the language on each page. I never give up on books and I always try to give it the benefit of the doubt so I kept reading. And oh boy, I am SO glad that I did.

The story was incredible. I just wanted to know what would happen next and why each character would do something and I loved it. Each time Miss Winters would stop telling her story I would just want more. She would truly leave me wanting more of what happened to Emmeline and Adeline. Their story was perfectly captured in each word and each feeling it gave to me.

Adeline is such a wonderfully beautiful name and I am slightly obsessed with it.

There were just so many moments in the story that keep me engrossed with the plot and the stories of Emmeline and Adeline. From their complete characterization to the description of their movements and twin language, everything seemed to just flow together. And one of my favorite things about their story is that you could never predict what would happen next because you had no idea what kind of a turn the story would take. I literally could have never even guessed the end of the book because It’s not something I would have thought of. But let me tell you…it was absolutely brilliant. Just like how Margaret figures Miss Winters secret out at the end and goes through the hints with us, I did that too and it all made sense. I completely missed them as I was reading because they were such small hints that didn’t seem like hints at all. It was super awesome though to go back at the end and recap everything that happened and really look into things.

I also secretly loved Margaret’s story. Yes, she is the protagonist of this story but I feel like her story could be lost in Emmeline and Adeline’s story if you aren’t careful enough. Her change throughout the story was imperfectly beautiful and I truly loved it because it felt real. Except maybe when she goes mad for a short period of time, it felt like Margaret was such a realistic character. Her ghost story made me feel so many things for her and I loved to see her progression with her story throughout. The ending was brilliant too because honestly for a hot second, I thought Margaret was actually dying because she wanted to see her sister so badly. I thought it was incredible how Setterfield included this parallel in the story as a part of Margaret’s character. It made me look at her like she was imperfect, yet the perfect character to enact a change in the story and in herself.

The descriptive language in this story made me feel like I was actually in the house with the twins. I could see everything clearly, like it was right in front of me. I felt like I was a part of the story too. That’s when you know the book has fully captured you and it has done its job.

There are many more things I love about this book, but I don’t want to add too many spoilers or just give a summary of the book itself. Honestly, you should read it. The story will make you feel things and it will make you fall in love with the characters, including the not-so-good ones. It will make you fall in love with reading.

A Life Update

I know that none of you know me. You know nothing about my life, but that’s okay. I’ll let you in on some of my life  secrets (not really) and things that have been happening lately in my life.

So first off, I’ve been applying to big girl jobs and it’s actually terrifying. I went to school to become a teacher and last month I received my initial certification. I’ve been applying to lots of school districts and different positions and it”s just so scary. My portfolio is just about done and I worked really hard to create something that could show off my ability as an educator. I know I won’t realistically get a job right away and it’s going to take a while, but you have to start somewhere. I would also love some interview experience that will help me. So I will keep applying to jobs and keeping my fingers crossed.

Lately one of my friends has really been bugging me and annoying me. Usually I would take to Twitter to talk about this, but she unfortunately just created a Twitter account (and obviously we follow each other) so I can’t went my feelings about her there anymore. So I figured I would talk about it here a little. There’s WAY too much to tell about this person and our friendship, so I won’t talk about that. Lately, I just feel like everything she says and everything that comes out of her mouth is a dramatization of whatever is actually going on. She takes everything to the extreme and there’s always some drama going on with her that she “NEEDS” to tell me. And to be honest, I don’t actually care about any of the drama that goes on in her life. I am in my 20s and clearly I’m starting to grow up and start a career soon and become an adult. I don’t want to hear about who said what and why and what they actually meant and who wants to fight and what not. I don’t care in the slightest bit and I don’t know what to do about the situation with her anymore.

In other news, I feel like I’ve been killing it with kickboxing lately. I’ve been going a lot more and my form and focus has been improving. I also feel like I can do a little bit more during the warm up every time I go. I can last longer through the bag rounds and I really try to push myself when I’m there. I even bought myself  heart rate monitor to really continue to push myself even more. I’ll get to see how many calories I burn each class and my heart rate throughout class as well. It’s super awesome and I can’t wait to continue to use it and keep pushing myself.

Also, things with my boyfriend are absolutely wonderful. I honestly couldn’t ask for a better person to be in my life. We’re trying to plan a trip somewhere with each other over the summer so I’m really excited about that. I can’t believe we’ve been together for so long now but it doesn’t even feel that long. There will be more on him to come though. I’m working on a longer piece about him!

 

So, I think that’s about it for now. Thanks for reading, and now you know a little more about me!

1/23/18

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

So I’m currently on this crazy reading kick, but I love i️t. Today I finished my fourth book of 2018, As I Wake by Elizabeth Scott.

And to be honest, I’m not sure what to think or feel about this book.

I bought this book a really long time ago but never got the chance to read i️t. As I was cleaning my room the other day, I found i️t and thought I should start reading i️t. Well, I did finish this book in about a day and a half because I couldn’t stop reading i️t. I wanted to continue reading to find out what happened to Ava. Once I found out the truth, I’m not sure if I had actually wanted to know that.

I understand what happened to Ava and how the book came full circle by the end. But the entire book mind fucked me completely and I don’t know if I enjoyed that. Things did not happen as I expected them to and the ending made me confused and sad and angry and even more confused all at the same time. Like after all of this, i️t ended on such a sad note with Morgan’s death and then Ava’s death and i️t should not have been like that.

Plus, the whole concept of Ava being from another world is just mind fucking in and of itself. I think i️t was a bold choice made by Scott and i️t was definitely a very interesting storyline and concept to follow. With that being said, I’m still not sure if I liked the book after I finished reading i️t because of the confusion and other worldly aspects of the story.

There are some parts of the story that happened so fast that I almost missed what happened and what Ava was thinking. I think that’s why I still have a lot of confusion about the book and certain things that happened.

This is why I can’t tell if I liked the book or not. If I didn’t like i️t, the confusion wouldn’t bother me. But if I did like i️t, I shouldn’t be as confusedas I am.

An Open Letter to My Mom …

Dear Mom,

I don’t even know where to begin.

You are my hero.

 

I know we haven’t always been super close, even when I was younger. For some strange reason, I thought you wouldn’t understand and you wouldn’t get it and you couldn’t relate. Now I’ve learned that you understand way more than anyone else does. You have been through it all and you have become a stronger individual because of that. I admire your strength.

I admire your strength. I don’t know anyone else in this world that could have dealt with all life has thrown at you and would still be able to come out on top like you have. You are the epitome of everything I aspire to be in this world. Even as a little girl, I always looked up to you because of your strength. I remember when I was younger, I never saw you cry. I thought you were a superhero and you were just always able to keep your composure and keep yourself together. Now that I am older, I’ve seen you cry. I’ve seen you scared. I’ve seen you anxious.  I’ve seen you excited. I’ve seen you proud. I’ve seen you at your worst, and I’ve seen you at your best. No matter how I’ve seen you, you’re still the same superhero that I saw as a little kid that was the most composed I could ever imagine.

In the past 22 years, you have taught me many lessons, directly and indirectly. I think one of the most important lessons you’ve taught me is to stand up for myself. The best way to teach a lesson is to actually do it yourself. Actions speak louder than words and I have been able to follow in your footsteps. Over the years, I have seen you stand up for yourself, your family, your friends, your job, your actions, and your beliefs. You have showed me to never be afraid to stand up for the things you believe in through your actions. This is something that has always been tough for me, since I’m usually more of a quiet person. But watching you stand up for the things you love and the things that you believe in has given me the courage to stand up for myself and my beliefs.

You have given me everything. You have given me a life to live and a life to love. You have given me strength. You have given me courage. You have given me love. You have given me clarity, patience, and kindness. You have given me hopes and dreams. You have given me things that only a loving mother can give her daughter, and I am undeniably grateful for that. You have been, and still are, the most amazing and incredible mother I could have ever asked for or even dreamed about. I have absolutely no idea where I would be without you. And for that, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

I will always love you mom. I can’t wait to continue our strong relationship with each other and I look forward to seeing our relationship grow with time as well.

Love always,

your oldest daughter, Victoria

1/10/18

Today I finished reading my second new book of 2018: Turtles All The Way Down by John Green. I’ve read almost all of his other books and my mom got me this one for Christmas and I was super excited to start reading it.

In the beginning of the book, I was a little scared by the topic that was being discussed and it made me not as interested right away as I thought I would be. Obviously I kept reading because it was a John Green book and I knew I would love it. Somewhere – I’m not really sure where – I began to truly enjoy the book and I was hooked. I felt like I was lost in this book. That is the best feeling ever.

Getting lost in a book. You are a character. You have now created a new life for yourself inside of the world of the book. You can’t stop reading because you are hooked. You need to know what will happen next and what the characters will do and what might unfold next.

I was completely lost. In the book, of course. I couldn’t stop reading. I have down time at work on days like this and I have nothing to do for a little while and I was able to spend my time how I wanted. This is how I wanted to spend my time; getting completely lost in Aza’s world.

Also, I think Aza is an absolutely beautiful name.

The book didn’t end like I wanted it to. Aza should have stayed with Davis and they should have worked things out because they were PERFECT together. Davis shouldn’t have moved. But on the other hand, Aza has grown into a character that I did not expect to see and I can feel her improvements and her change as a character. Mental health is not something that is overcome easily, as she experiences in the story, but I felt the change in her at the end. I felt it, because I was in the book with her.

Many of my friends don’t share a love and appreciation for reading like I do, so I had to get my feelings out somewhere. John Green has such a way with words and he is an inspiring and incredible author. He makes me feel like I am a part of the story, because as readers, we are.

Journal – Due 4/18

I think that the House on Mango Street is a great book to read in the classroom! Personally, I never read it in high school but some of my friends read it. I think it’s a great book to read in middle or high school because the themes are very relatable. I also think depending on where this book is taught, the themes and content can be extremely relatable. If you’re teaching a class of ESL students or even just students of a Hispanic background, this book would work very well. As we talked a little bit in class, I think this really would be a good book to use in the classroom. I think that this book would give many of the students the ability to get creative with their assignments and maybe even look into their own history and cultures. This book can open so many doors for students in so many different ways and I think this is a great book to use in the classroom.

We also discussed a lot about students and how their writing has been changing over the years. I really do agree that things have changed and it truly is not okay. Students take the easy way out most of the time and they are sometimes even too lazy to write out “because.” I think the fact that kids are texting all the time does affect this, but I personally mostly think it’s the fact that kids are lazy. Computers and technology pretty much do almost everything for students when needed so they feel like they don’t have to try most of the time. I believe that this is what truly affects their writing. But then again, technology is not going to go away anytime soon and students are always going to be using it every day.

Journal – Due 4/11

Last week in class we talked about Ready, Player One. I’m not really sure how I felt about this book to be honest. I thought it was a very interesting concept, but for someone who knows ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about gaming, it was a little difficult to follow. I think that the book dos a good job of explaining some of the stuff and the terms but I feel like with certain things I did not catch on as quickly and as easily as I would have liked. It made me slightly distracted that I didn’t know what things meant at certain parts. Maybe for students though, this wouldn’t be as much of an issue since gaming is so prevelant in their lives.

Im not sure if I would teach this book in class but I would definitely give this as a choice reading or an outside reading or even a summer reading. I think students would enjoy this book a lot because gaming is so relevant to their lives.

I think that personally I would stay away from any legit gamification in the classroom. Just because I am not completely familiar with it and I feel like I would not be able to effectively capture the students attention if I don’t completely know what I’m doing. I would definitely try to insert games into the classroom though because I think it’s a fun way to get students engaged. If they are engaged and interested in the lesson/game, it will be more likely that they will learn or remember things.

Journal – Due 3/21

Last class, we read The Things They Carried. One of the things that struck me the most about this book is how it was broken up into sections. This would definitely make it easier to read if I were teach this book in the classroom. As a teacher, you can decide to teach the whole book and read the whole thing. Or you can pick and choose a couple of sections to read. I think picking a couple of sections would keep the students interested, especially if they aren’t fully into reading about war. They wouldn’t be reading a whole book, just a chapter, so they would be more likely to stay engaged. I also think reading just a few sections might even spark interest for others to maybe do some outside reading. If they like the section they read in class, they might want to read the rest of the book outside of class, which would be a great thing.

Like I said in my discussion board post as well, I think one thing I would carry with me is hope. I know that during times of war, there is much despair and hopeless feelings going around. Personally I am a very positive person and I would want to bring at least a little bit of hope with me, wherever I go!

Journal – Due 4/4

I’m very glad that my lesson plan turned out as well as it did. As I was writing it, I was not sure if I was going in the right direction, but after going through it in class I feel much more confident about it. I’ve written a lot of lesson plans but this lesson plan definitely took me a lot longer to do. I’m not really sure why but for me it was a little difficult to write. I was also unsure about the book I chose. When I looked it up, it said it was a historical fiction play but I was also unsure. I went with it though and it really worked out in the end! I did a lot of research on different activities to do and how to get the students more involved.

My only concern (which you had also mentioned in class) was the homework. Of course, with the way I planned it there would be WAY too much homework to grade in one night. With the way the lessons panned out, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the homework. I wasn’t really sure how to make it not as much on me so I just went with it anyway. That is definitely something I want to work on as I go forward.

I thought the book Popular was interesting! I know we had a lot of debate in class about it and I do agree with what the majority of the class said. I would definitely use this book as a recommendation book or maybe a choice book. I would pick maybe 2 or 3 books and the students can pick the one they want to read. It will give the chance for students to branch out a little and pick something that they enjoy reading and something they would be interested in. I’m not really sure if I would give this book as a regular book in class though. Even if we all read it together as a class and in the classroom, I think many of the boys in the class would be reluctant to reading this, even if it is done all together. I think it would take A LOT of work to get them interested in this book and keep their focus.